Through the hollow log – a journey in the dark weave…

Not sure how I feel, not sure what to think. I am so grateful to be here with my mom right now. I am amazed at the synchronicities that brought me to be here, and the story that has been (and still is) unfolding so beautifully. And my sculpture that is being woven alongside, intertwining all our lives with amazing metaphor and symbol . But this morning, from about 5.30am, I found myself cuddling next to my dad as his heart slowly fluttered to a halt. We think he had died a little while before in terms of brain death, he was so white and still, but his heart still prevailed. It was a peaceful passing. No more does he fight for every scrap of breath that kept him alive. But I feel so deeply sad.

Last night, I finished weaving the shape of the figure for my sculpture – what’s that? Dad had asked me just a few days ago. ‘It’s the shape of a body traversing the void, in the flow of the unfolding energy of creation’, I told him. Like it’s showing us how to navigate transitional spaces. On our back, arms softly to the side, head facing the direction of the flow – a position of total surrender.

In your philosophy, he asked me, how do I navigate this? Indicating his extreme laboured breathing and rapidly failing body. The challenge of facing the unknown, and the anxiety that came with that.

‘You surrender to the flow’ I told him. You notice your experience with curiosity, without judgement, one moment at a time. You practice the muscle of mindfulness. And I showed him how. And you know what? He tried it. Doggedly. Often stopping between breaths to clarify a point. ‘I practice being ok with how I’m feeling?’

I think I helped him let go, without realising that what he was letting go of was his attachment to his life, and his body.

Last night I finished weaving the figure. He kept asking – are you finished it? ‘Not yet, dad, ten centimetres to go still.’ Then… ‘I’ve finished!!!’ What’s that thread sticking out there? He asked. That’s to wrap around the join when I install the finished piece.

‘Oh.’

Then we had dinner, got ready for bed. ‘Love you!’ I told him. Me too he said. I mean I love you too, he joked. See you tomorrow, I said.

Tomorrow became today… and today we….

Said goodbye as he left his body to traverse the void.

It is with deep respect and honour that I share this with you, for my dad and for the exquisitely beautiful gift of life (and death) that we are given. These pictures are a reflection of how much I love my dad, always will, and how much gratitude I feel to have the relationship with him that I do. And my mom. It is in deep gratitude to the magical universe that I traverse with all its quirks and depths, that I lay down on my back and ride the waves of experience, in surrender.

#throughthehollowlog