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Feel here now.

Take a few minutes to truly FEEL what is going on within and around you.

To HEAL the world we must FEEL the world!

“May we all have compassion for every one of us being exactly as we are in each moment, and for the world being exactly as it is. May we forgive the world and each other and ourselves for disappointing or hurting us. May we find the path from hate to love in each moment, from judgment to openness.”

Joan Tollifson

This is an excerpt of the Science and nonduality (SAND) newsletter, titled ‘Lifting veils of separation’, dated Saturday 6 May 2020.

Edgewalker

Sometimes, on an outbreath, my soul gets scraped to the bone, my breast ripped open, emptied, and my skin hung up to dry in the cool moistness of the crisp dawn air. These times are painful, heart wrenching and yet strangely, poignantly beautiful as I stand face to face with what’s real: The unfolding creative moment of living and dying, quietly singing its part in the ever-evolving process of existence.

In these moments of utter non-breath, I see no choice but to give myself over completely, entirely, with every ounce of my being. All hopes and dreams, released. With no thought for what comes next as I relinquish attachment to everything I think I know. My hand loosens it’s grip and grasping becomes pointless.

Something extraordinary happens in this space of nothingness. A transformational  instant, moment, lifetime… a movement occurs. I feel the grace of a gentle wind breathing life into my being, with a force that is quietly inconspicuous, yet deeply intimate, singing my wholeness back to life. Like a lover, I am embraced, a fiercely loving mother –  delicious warmth spreading from the inside to the outer parts of me.

In that instant I feel the ecstasy of aliveness – held by paradox, in the sweetest magnificence of the unknown becoming known, and the known, unknown.

I am bathed in the radiance of Supreme Intelligence, breathing in tune with its own unfolding. And because this unfolding creative moment is also always within me, I become more radiant myself. Sharing my discoveries.

And so the outbreath becomes the inbreath.

This is what it is to be Edgewalker.

This is the moment I remember that I AM LOVE.

Such Silence by Mary Oliver

Such Silence by Mary Oliver

As deep as I ever went into the forest

I came upon an old stone bench, very, very old,

and around it a clearing, and beyond that

trees taller and older than I had ever seen.

Such silence.

It really wasn’t so far from a town, but it seemed

all the clocks in the world had stopped counting.

So it was hard to suppose the usual rules applied.

Sometimes there’s only a hint, a possibility.

What’s magical, sometimes, has deeper roots

than reason.

I hope everyone knows that.

I sat on the bench, waiting for something.

An angel, perhaps.

Or dancers with the legs of goats.

No, I didn’t see either. But only, I think, because

I didn’t stay long enough.

– Mary Oliver, “Such Silence,” from Blue Horses

A masterpiece

“A masterpiece is life lived as art”… this was written up on my lounge wall for years when I realised that my life was an artwork in itself, and I consequently let go of outdated stories that brought a constant, low-level anxiety for my reluctance to create art works on a regular basis, for money. Today I’m wondering… what is a masterpiece? A little while ago, I wrote something that I feel to be a masterpiece – a letter – but what makes it so? Maybe a masterpiece is… a piece of the master, the unhindered creator. Yes, a piece of me, but a very very rare and special piece that has come into manifest expression. I say a masterpiece, as the perfect reflection of a deeply valued aspect of my soul, alive in creative form. It is something that, word for word, feeling for feeling, image for image, metaphor for metaphor, idea for idea, reflects the essence of who I am, in the moment that it emerges. (Or three weeks, in the case of the time it took to write the aforementioned letter haha). Such expressions of self happen only in times of deep introspection, connection, and consistent attention to that which I most value in the being that is me, ie. lovingness, and the commitment to honouring a multidimensional way of perceiving and walking with life. Also – a masterpiece emerges through the portal of a deep sensitivity to, and recognition of, the exquisite beauty of the weave of life, in call-and-answer to a tune unfolding. It is an intimate and truth-filled response made manifest as a vulnerable, unimpeded expression of self. A masterpiece is, indeed, a love letter to my own soul.

A letter written but not sent.

For giving me the space to walk in my truth even though it’s not yours, and you likely don’t understand it. Thanks for dancing (energetically) with me in what I experienced as an exquisite encounter with my shadow and yours, or maybe I was dancing with mine through the mirror of yours. A dance of healing. I called you up on something risky and audacious, to an even deeper space of healing, which I respect that you are not in a place to step towards, and despite finding yourself feeling deeply uncomfortable with that, you chose to be kind and honourable with me, on all levels available to you. It must have been challenging for you. I know I don’t exactly walk a conventional path. I called to the universe for deeper connection to the experience of aliveness and that’s precisely what I got when you appeared, not just through sacred encounter (though I feel everything in life is sacred), but through you being real with your pain – including acting out on it – allowing me then to experience a part of my own depth in a way I never have before. I recognise that aliveness arises from loving myself, shadows and wounds and all, as I realise the endless beauty within, whether I am seen by others or not. You have been such a beautiful teacher to me. Magnificent, in fact. And to the eternal part of you from the eternal part of me, I say – I kept my promise. I see you. I am here. Perhaps we will dance again in another lifetime. And so the rainbow serpent farewells the lightning man, with deep love and gratitude.

The end.

Maybe.

Please leave your shoes at the door.

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