OuterSkinReneBahlooDusk

Self-care, shadow and the ecstasy of radical aliveness.

I’d love to share a story with you – a personal story – about radical aliveness and things from the deep weave of my life.

Yes! Radical aliveness – I am profoundly drawn to growing into the practice of experiencing the joy of life – perceived, embraced and embodied in its fullness, in continuum. Now I’m not talking of everything being comfortable and cosy, but rather, being in the space of mind that no matter what’s going on, no matter the situation, I can access and remember the passion and joy of being alive to it, whatever it is. I mean, how amazing is it to be alive, to be manifest in this physical existence, this adventure with a human body attached?

Imagine consciously watching the adventure unfold in front of your very eyes, knowing that who you choose to be is reflected in every aspect of the unfolding of it! Ecstasy, right? And agony, too, I know, especially when I forget that I have the choice to perceive it in the light of my soul’s highest expression. I am the weaver of my life. Radical.

So, a month or so ago, I became alive to a shoulder that really hurt. Creaky body. Stiff neck and back. Whaaaat? My once perfectly healthy body, showing cracks? Unravelling?

An earnest question from a friend: Do you do any self-care? My response – cheekily tracing my fingers down my body, play-sensually, ‘yess’…

But. Nope. Not physical stuff anyway. Really, Rene? Okay, I guess it’s time to change that! That choice set off an adventure of getting to know myself even deeper. Everything is connected, right? The weave constantly confirms that for me, so… what shows in the body also is/was present in the mind, perhaps as a hidden stressor or long-held trauma, emotion or stuck belief. In my pain body, as Eckhardt might say. So, the adventure would also encompass delving into my shadow. The dark weave….!

Massage, acupuncture, homeopathy, and then… zenthai shiatsu at Woodford (folk festival). Well, that zenthai made me feel like all my joints had been ripped apart and put back together in a way that didn’t quite fit. Like I’d been dismembered. The numb, creaking stiffness had now moved into my entire upper body, not just my shoulder. What the? Maybe my weaving fibre was still too dry, and getting brittle.

A breathwork session brought up a manner of epigenetic awareness. I realised I was holding trauma patterns from my maternal grandmother’s genetic line, patterns deeply connected to my own shadowy pain stamped with the huge protective shield I had put up in order to make myself invisible as a sensual, sexual being. In order to feel alive. Did I really do that? Yes, and I did it well.

At Starlight festival in Byron Bay (where I facilitated a weaving circle), I invested in kinesiology, spinal alignment, journeying and energy healing sessions. Up popped a workshop titled ‘death and dismemberment’. Yes! Instantaneously I was drawn to this – death! (I remembered the beautiful journey with my father at his deathbed), and dismemberment – totally a reflection of the conversation I’d been having with the universe, right? The thought of travelling deep into the underworld to encounter my darkest shadow self excited me greatly!  I laughed – how much I love skulls and bones and and the beauty of dead things, how I love to hold space for the darkness in others… so surely I’d be fine down there, being dissected, ripped apart, holding space for my own soul. Because then, maybe, I’d encounter the cause of my pain.

And after dismemberment would be re-memberment. With an upgrade. With gifts to share. Reborn to die, to be reborn to die. That’s what my name means, did you know that? Rene – reborn. (Latin) Bahloo – to die. (indigenous Aus). Like the moon. One thing the workshop facilitator said, that struck me, was this: as a shamanic practitioner going into the underworld (and especially as a psychopomp), he needed to be really good at self care, as holding space for all the trauma and pain of other souls can exact a heavy energetic toll.

Self care. There it is again. Refuelling mind, body and spirit. Looks like universe is setting me on a path, and perhaps not just for self-revelation, but maybe I’m on a deeper mission. The incentive to develop more self care could be just the foundation leading to something more. Mmm, an undercover mission – so much so, I can’t see where I’m going yet. Haha. Just the way I like to travel. Into the unknown again, incognito. Weaving in the dark.

Paradoxically, I have also noticed another part of my shadow – a certain addiction to being seen. Ha! To be seen for my value, in order to feel alive. Haaaa! Oh Facebook, oh Messenger and Whatsapp friends, the dopamine hits you bring to me! Never mind the oxytocin from a virtual hug! Or a physical one, even better! Bliss! I guess the trick is to enjoy it rather than to need it. Like loving unconditionally.

Another breathwork session, this time led by a beautiful soul sister. This is what I learned – all that I already have in my bag is exactly what I need, in any given moment. So, what do I have in my bag? ME!!!!

And, Palo Santo oil, a tube of lip ice, car keys, two seeds, a piece of decoratively burned bushman bone, one lens from a pair of glasses, a nail file, an interdental brush. Each piece made perfect sense as a symbol of the weave of my life. The last object in my bag was a flick knife. So, during the breathing session, that knife made a journey with its sharpest edge, over the entirety of my body lying there (covered in palo santo oil), scraping, edging, cutting all the junk attached to me. And flicking it away. Over and over. My aching shoulder being the focal point of this mission, scraping off debris that doesn’t serve me, that doesn’t serve my body or my soul, scraping it away with tenderness, and firmness, and love. Oh, and – I also released my wounded arm to invite in an upgraded version. Under the watchful eye of the facilitator haha. When one fibre in the weave is compromised, introduce a new one!

Then, the most amazing thing. Universe showed me what it was like to be totally sensually embraced by the world. Stroked and cherished and touched, breathed in and loved up by the universe, full of the ecstasy of receiving and giving. Lying there on the floor in the hall, I received it all – energised as a sensual and sexual conscious being, not in hiding anymore! My fibre, supple and strong. The strands, woven tightly, connected.

Self care. Love. Look where the path of following this directive has brought me! Back to myself, to being radically alive in my skin, awake as a sensual being.

The weave comes full circle, as does this story. And it’s not done yet. Life continues … as cycles and circles unfurl, expand, overlap and intertwine. There are many more strands to this story, but these I have shared are enough to give it life, a woven tale of a moment of meaning. A story basket, woven with love.

You might read this and wonder if your presence (however briefly) as an unrevealed strand in this story has contributed to my healing and growth and my answer is YES! Absolutely, deeply, significantly and in shatteringly beautiful ways. You know who you are, even if you don’t think you know. And I thank you so deeply for the gift that you are to me. All of you. And all of your you’s. You make my basket whole.

And so the weave, and the story, continues to grow, and to be woven.

PS. If you wanted to know how my shoulder is feeling now…

Not gonna tell you. Until I’m looking at you.

https://www.eventbrite.com.au/o/rene-bahloo-10793355289

if you want to find me!

 

OuterSkinReneBahlooDusk

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Weaving and culture journey to Arnhem Land August 2019

$2450  catered
A meaningful travel experience filled with the richness and joy of connection, healing and personal growth. This is a truly unique experience of connection to self, to Australian Indigenous culture and weaving. Share time on spirit country with my adopted Indigenous family – Christine Nabobbob, Priscilla and Sylvia Badari and others as we weave our lives and culture together, with love, in community.

Come with me on an amazing journey deep into the heart of remote Indigenous Australia. Share special times, weaving with family and new friends, experience the ancient art of basket weaving through cultural immersion. Learn about traditional culture as you walk the land, collecting pandanus and natural bush dyes. Sit with mother earth as you learn to split and prepare premium fibre which is exclusive to this beautiful place on our planet. Be in a space of nurture and allow the strong spirit of the land soothe and heal you, to reset your compass. Come with me, and you will see the precious gift of weaving our lives together, through an ancient cultural lineage, in a way that you will change you forever.

For the catered trip – food includes breakfast, lunch and dinner up till the day we travel home, excludes lunch (roadhouse pit stop) on the return to Darwin.

The adventure includes optional transport (with me in my 11 seater vehicle – a special troopcarrier called ‘Beasty Babe’ aka ‘Djindjalma’) from Darwin and back, accommodation in shared comfortable bungalows in Jabiru (with a pool), transport in and out of the community, all permits to enter aboriginal land, special fibre for a small basket, all tuition and the most amazing trip to Injalak hill (world heritage rock art site).
Each room has a fridge, sink and tea/coffee making place, please note that these cabin rooms are 3-5 person share. ($60 extra to shotgun the double bed).

Due to booking demands and factors outside our control, alternative accommodation may be substituted. Some of these alternative accommodation configurations include 5-person share rooms. If this is not to your liking, more private accommodations can be arranged, at extra cost.

(Catered) Meals are catered for: self-cook breakfast, picnic lunches, evening meals. Tea and coffee is included, other drinks are BYO.

My blog

http://weavery.com.au/2016/06/27/weaving-journey-to-arnhem-land-2016/

Testimonials 1d2b6d7c-fa55-4617-bb01-a90d4a720458.jpg
I was looking for a travel experience that was both a cultural immersion and a weaving experience. The trip with Rene provided both of these things in spades. One of the previous trip testimonies said that if you were unsure about this trip, to jump in feet first. That’s exactly what I did and I will always be grateful for the very personal journey that I shared with the incredible women of Gunbalanya, Rene and the other women on our trip. Rene has a unique bond with the women and community which allowed us to spend time gathering, preparing, dyeing and weaving pandanus fibre in incredibly beautiful settings. More important though was the sharing of stories of culture, place and family while sitting and walking through their country. It was a privilege to spend time with these inspiring women and the journey will forever hold some of my most special memories.
Rene is the glue that kept this adventure unfolding – her relationship to the women, her knowledge of language, her understanding of the culture and landscape, her ability to deal with changes and challenges, her culinary and superior troopie driving skills and her energy and shared wisdom which guided us along the way. If you want an out of the ordinary and enriching experience that you will never forget, than I can recommend this journey wholeheartedly.
Helen May-June 2019

2018

I did the last trip with Rene in July 2018.  I didn’t really know what to expect but I was drawn to the idea of “A meaningful travel experience filled with the richness and joy of connection, healing and personal growth”.  And I could get this while doing the thing I love best- weaving?

The trip was about a lot more than weaving.  To actually witness and participate in the stunning process of going on country, gathering pandanus with women connected to this country, foraging for the natural dyes to use, being shown how to strip the pandanus and then preparing the dyes and then dying the stripped pieces was a truly amazing process.  I had no idea, and can attest that my imagination could not have taken me close to the experience. You actually have to be there, as the saying goes. Those bundles of dyed pandanus at the end of the day was truly remarkable as are my memories of it.

But the trip is about much more than that.  It is to also be in the presence of the amazing Rene who ‘held’ this process in an incredible allowing way.  This was new to behold and I really valued everything that Rene bought to the trip, including her incredible and tireless strength in loading up the troopee everyday and always making sure that we had everything we needed, including nourishing food and an amazing person to prepare our food for us.  This was a real treat.

What Rene offers you on this trip cannot be bought through any kind of ‘commercial’ exercise or tour.  Not even close. A number of women on this July trip were there for a second time and I can see why you would return because there is no where else, I know , where you can go and get this wide ranging, unique cultural participation in as I have said a ‘stunning process’ steered by a stunning women committed to her real and substantial relationships with Aboriginal women and other community members of the Gunbalanya  Aboriginal community in west Arnhem Land in the Northern Territory of Australia.

You will indeed experience connection, healing and personal growth.  Oh, and by the way, I also learnt new techniques in weaving using the beautiful pandanus, saw amazing rock art, and purchased some amazing art pieces from the Injalak Arts Centre which sells amazing artistic works from a variety artists from the Gunbalanya community and surrounding outstations. Should you wish to ask me any questions about my experience I am happy to be contacted on 0413966938.

Liz, Sydney, NSW

I was mildly skeptical about the uniqueness of the experience and the value for money that this pretty expensive journey would deliver when I booked; but it was an experience as a fibre artist that I had been longing for for many years.

Given that my expectations were low, I was more than blown away by the joys and rewards that this trip delivered.

Renee is a remarkable, inspiring, knowledgeable and capable Amazonian woman whose relationship with the Gunbalanya weavers is one of genuine friendship and authenticity; it’s obvious that this working relationship has been patiently built over many years and it is this relationship which enables such a unique and non-touristy experience.

The daily drive from Jabiru into Arnhem land and across the East Alligator river to the Gunbalanya community was action packed with some awesome crocodile antics in the river, great bird watching moments and stunning stone country scenery.

Driving around the community to pick up the weaving ladies and run errands for the locals was an education and we gained much insight into aboriginal community life from both Rene and the ladies; Christine, Priscilla and Lyn.

The process of picking the pandanus was fun and strangely addictive. Wandering through the grasslands identifying and collecting dye materials was a revelation.

On our first day after the pandanus picking and dye collecting, we set up camp by a beautiful waterfall/billabong where we prepared the dye materials and were shown the intricate process of stripping and preparing the pandanus fibre in preparation for dyeing and weaving.  This was one of many profound moments for me on this journey, sitting cross legged on the ground in this stunning setting, listening to the bird calls above and the ladies chattering in language, pounding plant matter on rocks, whilst fires were lit for dye baths and lunch was prepared by the beautiful Ajuna, daughter of Rene.

I experienced such a strong sense of peace and joy in this timeless setting shared with these remarkable women. I experienced many more moments such as these in the following days, rich with visual beauty, new skills learned and stories shared.

I cannot recommend highly enough this experience if you are into indigenous culture and art, weaving, natural dyes, warm weather, stunning landscapes, phenomenal rock art, inspiring art centres, beautiful women and are after a unique and authentic experience.

Lisa White, Balingup Western Australia.

Just a few words about my second weaving and culture trip to Arnhem Land. The opportunity to return this year was a wonderful surprise and I jumped in with both feet, I knew that beautiful place was not finished with me yet.
Once again there were many heart opening, grounding and delightful surprises. My weaving even improved. Sharing stories and learning so much from our most generous hosts on their country are deeply treasured memories.
Travelling with Rene is a lesson in letting go, letting life flow and is a lot of fun. Great food prepared by the beautiful Ajuna, being fed is such a treat.
Being immersed in nature, yarning and laughing lots, incredible rock art, gathering pandanus, collecting dye and weaving. Being with the Ladies on their country and just listening and learning.
So many layers to this experience, it is difficult to describe. I can only say it is one of the most unique, authentic and life affirming experiences I have had.
Meg, Sunshine Coast, Qld

Testimonials 2017

This is the most extraordinary incredible soul warming experience!! If you are even remotely considering it – then I’d recommend taking the leap and going. The friendships I made and the privilege of sitting alongside women who shared their amazing knowledge so graciously has altered my heart forever.  It was very cool. The kind of cool you can’t even imagine when you read it on paper! You are a very special ‘guide’ Rene! I’m not sure that is the right word – maybe if we understand ‘guide’ as being a facilitator with heart, human connector, relationship builder, sharer of knowledge, driver / counselor, solver of all problems including swollen river crossings (!!!!) – well maybe that would be a start! Freaking awesome experience!

Renee, Brisbane, Qld

When trying to decide if I should take this journey I read some reviews of previous travellers. One stood out to me, it said something like “ if you are even just considering going on this trip …. do it” So I did and I am so grateful that reviewer took the time. Having said that I have taken an age to write this. I am really struggling to find words that do justice to my experience. It was a journey of so many layers, and so removed from my usual existence that words do not come easily. The feeling of crossing the river at Cahills Crossing for the first time, the feeling of travelling into another world, to describe the ancient and powerful landscape. Then you meet the people. Generous, funny, awesome teachers, who took us to their country, their places, told us their stories. We learnt about, gathered and prepared materials for dyeing. We learnt about gathered and stripped pandanus. We dyed that pandanus and learnt different weaving techniques, some of us more successfully than others, that didn’t matter, you could always go and stir the dye pot. We laughed and talked and listened, learnt some language. Played with the delightful children and looked out for Ginga (crocodile). Returning to our comfy camp at night, with an awesome group of women, we cooked and shared and laughed some more. All the while Rene is facilitating, guiding, teaching and taking care of us. I am so grateful that Rene has this passion for sharing culture, and taking others on these journeys. There were so many moments I would love to share, far too many. In the end this was a very personal journey that for me was very profound. But if the idea excites you even a little bit ……do it.

Megan New, Sunshine Coast, Qld

Testimonials 2016

It’s very difficult to put this journey into words.  I encourage you to look at Rene’s photos as they beautifully capture the landscape, people and experiences.  This is not an experience you will find on Flight Centre or Red Balloon, it is personal and intimate.  Rene invites you into a sacred space of connection with the Injalak women who generously welcome you into their lives, land, practices and community for a precious time.  Rene skilfully weaves individual desires into a collective experience that becomes a shared memory for life and after you wonder if it was a dream?  If you are drawn to this journey I encourage you to do it!  Tips include: enter with humour, flexibility, a desire to learn, respect for the process and this will result in thankfulness that an opportunity like this has crossed your path.  Enjoy and safe travels.  

Isabel, Brisbane, Qld

In early June, I joined an amazing group of women with our fearless leader Rene Bahloo on an adventure to West Arnhem Land. Words do not adequately capture the life changing experience. Suffice to say, for me, it was a defining moment in my life’s journey. The deep sense of connection to country and to the incredible Kunwinjku fibre artists that we had the honour and privilege of working and playing beside will sustain me for a very long time. We shared knowledge, stories, laughter and adventure. Together we harvested fibre from the Pandanus tree and stripped the plant in preparation for dyeing and weaving. We collected natural dyes from the local environment and ground them up to create a variety of colours. The Pandanus fibre was boiled in the dyes and then hung out to dry. We worked seated together learning how to weave coil baskets and wall mats. The women were so generous in sharing their weaving knowledge and patient with our many questions. My heartfelt gratitude extends to Rene for connecting me to this most awesome of adventures and to the women in our group who threw themselves into the experience with open minds, curiosity, wisdom and good humour. It was an unforgettable experience and profound personal and spiritual insights were gained through the peace and connection with our weaving sisters, their families and their country.

Nicole, Newcastle, NSW

This journey is about so much more than just weaving. I felt a very real connection to country, a newfound love and admiration for the generous women we spent time with, and a deeper understanding and respect for culture and life in Arnhem Land. I came away with great learning, many laughs, and a full heart. This was a once in a lifetime experience at a grass roots level and I adored each unique experience.

Lisa, Brisbane, Qld

The Arnhem Land weaving trip was something I had wanted to do for so long. It was
so much more than I had imagined that it would be! It had adventure (crossing Alligator River daily,
but always with great care) to get to the Injalak arts centre! It had friendship and fun, learning about new cultures, meeting new people, mountain climbing, camp fires, going bush to collect natural materials and weaving !! I have found a new connection to my home country Australia that I have been wanting to feel for a long time !! Finally, Rene is such a lovely interesting and fun host! I genuinely felt taken care of and excited for what each day would hold for us ! It was such a delight ! And I think of the Injalak arts centre often and will go there again for sure 🙂

Cate, Sunshine Coast, Qld